I’m in awe at both your love for each other and your dedication to your covenant marriage as well as your willingness to expose those tremendously emotional times in your lives for your own healing as well as the help it will bring to endless American military families! Chaplain Campbell, a friend we ran into before his last deployment and again virtually during my deployment, recently posted my “getting settled” story at Bagram Afghanistan on his webisite. I went to a hospital Chaplain sponsored briefing shortly after arriving here and knew I was writing in the “honeymoon” phase and tone of my 6 month deployment. It’s how I really feel but at the same time what I know my family needed to hear for their own peace of mind. I was being strong for me and for my family. However, being a nurse and having a hunch of the future, I knew that one rarely (if ever) stays in the honeymoon phase of a marriage, deployment or just life. Most of us will go through the trials and tribulations of separation, horrors of war, and then reunion with our families. On top of that, the healthcare and chapel fields are both “giving” professions with emotional & spiritual tanks that need to be refilled more frequently than we find them somehow getting “tanked up.” I knew my entire time here would not be all “peaches and cream” for me nor my family. Ironically, it almost seemed that immediatly after reflecting on my letter to my family on the internet, that I allowed reality to sink in. I’m here, my family is elsewhere, we are all changing as you indicated and all going through daily struggles even if small. Over time it adds up. My husband just recently told me that Donna, my 2 1/2 year old daughter (who was named after both my mom and grandma whom are both deceased), came to bed one morning this week and said, “I really miss mommy.” Reality had sunk in. Video dates on Skype no longer entirely fill the void. Joshua, my 5 year old, had a birthday last month and will start Kindergarten without me in a few weeks. I’m not there and tears of pride and joy will run down each of our cheeks as they have with our older two sons, but we won’t be together to share the joys and somewhat senseless sadness of our babies growing up. Brandon, 12, will have track meets, soccer games, chess tournaments and Daniel, 15, will continue wooing the girls with his beautiful personality, smile, and charm. Harold will balance the 4 kids, 2 dogs, new house, church friends, calls from my unit to “check in,” bills, repairs, decisions about what to cook every single day, decisions about what to do for family fun this week and the list goes on as Rebekah can attest to. I know in my heart, mind, and soul that while my job in Afghanistan is long, challenging, and sometimes lonely that Harold’s job will be difficult as well. Will I allow myself and he allow himself to talk about our challenges and open ourselves to those vulnerabilities? Will we be strong enough to meet each others needs from a world away? I can only pray and hope that with others sharing their stories as you have both done that our reintegration will be smooth. The hard part will be putting it all in God’s hands and releasing control to Him. A very wise cousin gave me a book as a newlywed joining the Air Force entitled, “Marriage on the Rock.” At 22 years old, I was somewhat offended not realizing the “Rock” was our Lord and Savior. In my mind, my marriage was perfect and would never be “rocky.” I have read the book numerous times and shared it with others. Harold & I have established a Marriage on “The Rock” relying on each other and on God just as you each have done.

Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sure you both know this as a Chaplain and Chaplain’s wife, but the people you each touch without even knowing is profound. Just as I’m touched by all my military Chaplain acquaintances, from Lt Col (ret) Mavis Baldwin from our first assignment who came over to help us unpack the U-haul and his wife who used to dote over our oldest son (then 2 years old) through the chain link fence), to Chaplain David and Mrs. Laurie Kelley our current neighbors who went from duplex neighbors to being an entire yard away and doing a joint DITY move with my family, to Chaplain Mark Campbell whom hosts this blog, to the many Catholic Priests whom have provided for my families’s Catholic spiritual needs and growth. I know you have touched many whom you haven’t even realized. Thank you both for your selfless service and may God continue to bless your family.

Kirsten Verkamp